Igniting Intimacy in Your Relationship
The hardest part about having children is the sheer wealth of time, emotion and energy you invest in them. Don’t doubt for an instant that your children are worth it, but there is a new type of stress that your relationship will undergo as you transform from couple to parents. Parents lose sleep, parents are always busy, and there is always something for parents to be doing. Parents rarely get to sleep in and in some cases, rarely get to go out anymore.
If you discover that you are spending less and less time with your spouse and that your romantic gestures have been reduced to a half-wave as you pass the coffee in the morning, then it’s time to re-ignite the intimacy in your relationship. It’s a lot easier than you might think it is, because you were a couple before you were parents.
The first thing to remember about being a couple is that couples need quality time together and that begins with setting aside time for each other that isn’t about work, bills, household chores or your child. If your infant is too young or you aren’t comfortable with going out for a long period of time; make plans for a date evening at home. As soon as the baby is down for the night or their longest sleep cycle – four or five hours – share a nice dinner, either ordered in or prepared together and watch a movie or just talk. Don’t worry about the dishes, the laundry, and the work that you brought home from the office – those four or five hours are for the two of you alone. Turn off the phone; let your friends and family know that this is a 'don’t show up' night.
Remember love tokens – those little gifts of affection that you used to give each other? Do that again. If you both work all week, take turns giving the other one a morning to sleep in and breakfast in bed on the weekends. If you like to write love notes, leave them for each other to find. The most important thing to re-igniting romance in your relationship is to remember – you love this person and their smile is what you are working for. So, pick up a single carnation or a box of their favorite candies or even just a movie that you’ll enjoy – be thoughtful, be creative and most of all, remember to be in love.
If you discover that you are spending less and less time with your spouse and that your romantic gestures have been reduced to a half-wave as you pass the coffee in the morning, then it’s time to re-ignite the intimacy in your relationship. It’s a lot easier than you might think it is, because you were a couple before you were parents.
The first thing to remember about being a couple is that couples need quality time together and that begins with setting aside time for each other that isn’t about work, bills, household chores or your child. If your infant is too young or you aren’t comfortable with going out for a long period of time; make plans for a date evening at home. As soon as the baby is down for the night or their longest sleep cycle – four or five hours – share a nice dinner, either ordered in or prepared together and watch a movie or just talk. Don’t worry about the dishes, the laundry, and the work that you brought home from the office – those four or five hours are for the two of you alone. Turn off the phone; let your friends and family know that this is a 'don’t show up' night.
Remember love tokens – those little gifts of affection that you used to give each other? Do that again. If you both work all week, take turns giving the other one a morning to sleep in and breakfast in bed on the weekends. If you like to write love notes, leave them for each other to find. The most important thing to re-igniting romance in your relationship is to remember – you love this person and their smile is what you are working for. So, pick up a single carnation or a box of their favorite candies or even just a movie that you’ll enjoy – be thoughtful, be creative and most of all, remember to be in love.
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Fun in the Sun: Fun Summer Date Ideas
It’s sum-sum-summertime; the imagination conjures up beach music, pool parties, barbecues and tall, cold drinks. Summer is a time for enjoying the outdoors, getting hot and sweaty, indulging by the poolside and eating ice cream on a cone. Summer is about lazy, hot days and torrid, fun-filled nights. It’s about the laughter we enjoyed as children and the sheer number of opportunities for dates and fun that summer offers us.
Summer has baseball and even non-sports fans find attending a game for the first time is its own kind of magic. Sharing a hot dog and listening to the roar of a crowd as you cheer on your home team reminds you why this is America’s pastime.
If sports don’t appeal, try a water park. You may be stressed about your first date in a bikini, but honestly – all that matters is how much fun you can have riding down rapids, shooting down slides or just floating over the lazy river. Water parks are a unique source of fun in the summer, amusement parks are usually crowded with long lines, but even in a crowded water park – there’s something to do that doesn’t require a line.
Water parks and baseball not really sounding that appealing? Many cities host a “Taste of” night where restaurants and other local businesses host a fair of sorts. Food of all varieties filling the air with mouth-watering scents. For a relatively inexpensive cost, you can wander through and sample the different delicacies available. There might be music, dancing, fireworks and street artists as well. This is a date as opposite the ballpark or water park as you can find!
There’s so many opportunities in the summer that are worth exploring from night time concerts to Shakespeare in the Park to renaissance festivals to ice cream cones and day trips to the beach. There are so many possible fun experiences in the summer time, that if you don’t see one here that you would like to try – invent one of your own. In the summer – anything is possible.
Summer has baseball and even non-sports fans find attending a game for the first time is its own kind of magic. Sharing a hot dog and listening to the roar of a crowd as you cheer on your home team reminds you why this is America’s pastime.
If sports don’t appeal, try a water park. You may be stressed about your first date in a bikini, but honestly – all that matters is how much fun you can have riding down rapids, shooting down slides or just floating over the lazy river. Water parks are a unique source of fun in the summer, amusement parks are usually crowded with long lines, but even in a crowded water park – there’s something to do that doesn’t require a line.
Water parks and baseball not really sounding that appealing? Many cities host a “Taste of” night where restaurants and other local businesses host a fair of sorts. Food of all varieties filling the air with mouth-watering scents. For a relatively inexpensive cost, you can wander through and sample the different delicacies available. There might be music, dancing, fireworks and street artists as well. This is a date as opposite the ballpark or water park as you can find!
There’s so many opportunities in the summer that are worth exploring from night time concerts to Shakespeare in the Park to renaissance festivals to ice cream cones and day trips to the beach. There are so many possible fun experiences in the summer time, that if you don’t see one here that you would like to try – invent one of your own. In the summer – anything is possible.
Dating After 65
Losing a partner, whether wife or husband, after years together can be a devastating experience. For couples who have been together for more than thirty or forty years, the idea of looking for another person to fill the void their partner left behind can seem anathema. Dating after 65 is every bit the choice that the dating at 16 or 26 or even 36 is. It’s about mindset and how you feel.
If you are over 65 and considering dating again, don’t fight it – you wouldn’t be thinking about it if you weren’t ready for it. Your needs as a mature adult are going to be very different from what they were when you were in your teens or twenties or thirties. Recognize that what you want and what you are looking for, need to be in line. You can never replace a lost spouse, but finding someone just to enjoy time with doesn’t mean you are trying to replace that.
Of course, you aren’t looking to replace your spouse. They were a unique person and you had a unique history with them. Anyone else you date is going to be in their own way unique. The relationship or experience you have with this person is going to be different and unique to the two of you.
There are many opportunities through community centers, the Internet and professional services that offer to hook you up with likeminded people. If you elect to travel this route, be careful. Make sure the agency or service you select is reputable. While some may require a small investment, avoid any service that is looking for large sums of money.
Also, be aware that relationships start most naturally with a foundation of friendship. You are likely not looking for someone to sweep you off your feet or have the Harlequin romance, but friendship offers deeper and more meaningful rewards towards future relationships. And for the ladies out there, it’s a sad fact but pickings for single men over the age of 65 are pretty slim. For the gentlemen over 65, he will find a greater selection. Take your time, enjoy meeting others and if you are ready to date, go for it.
If you are over 65 and considering dating again, don’t fight it – you wouldn’t be thinking about it if you weren’t ready for it. Your needs as a mature adult are going to be very different from what they were when you were in your teens or twenties or thirties. Recognize that what you want and what you are looking for, need to be in line. You can never replace a lost spouse, but finding someone just to enjoy time with doesn’t mean you are trying to replace that.
Of course, you aren’t looking to replace your spouse. They were a unique person and you had a unique history with them. Anyone else you date is going to be in their own way unique. The relationship or experience you have with this person is going to be different and unique to the two of you.
There are many opportunities through community centers, the Internet and professional services that offer to hook you up with likeminded people. If you elect to travel this route, be careful. Make sure the agency or service you select is reputable. While some may require a small investment, avoid any service that is looking for large sums of money.
Also, be aware that relationships start most naturally with a foundation of friendship. You are likely not looking for someone to sweep you off your feet or have the Harlequin romance, but friendship offers deeper and more meaningful rewards towards future relationships. And for the ladies out there, it’s a sad fact but pickings for single men over the age of 65 are pretty slim. For the gentlemen over 65, he will find a greater selection. Take your time, enjoy meeting others and if you are ready to date, go for it.
Romance After Kids
Having a baby can be stressful to any relationship, sleepless nights, constant care and the non-stop demand of a newborn can leave a couple worn out and just wanting sleep, peace or rest more than anything else. However, as with anything, the baby will grow and the parents will get more sleep.
Yet, despite the fact that sleep may return to normal, the day-to-day lifestyle begins to perceptibly shift. Concerns about errands, your children’s activities and your own can begin to overwhelm the need to take a night out for just the two of you. Being parents means that you tend to list yourself as last on the list for ‘fun’ or ‘down-time.’ It seems selfish to want to be away from your kids or just have a night where the two of you can go out together and be a couple rather than being parents.
While it might seem a little selfish, it’s actually a very important bit of selfish because all healthy relationships need to have time spent on them. If it’s a matter of not being able to find a babysitter, offer to swap with another couple. You take care of their kids for one evening a week so they can go out and they can take care of yours the following week. Many daycares, Churches and other organizations offer ‘parents night out’ – usually a four-hour window of time where your kids enjoy planned activities and you enjoy a few hours together.
Date nights aren’t the only way to keep romance alive. Little notes left in a place your spouse or partners are sure to find them. You can send flowers, cook a favorite dinner or even just curl up together on a sofa after the children have gone to bed to watch a movie. Time with your spouse is precious and should be treated as such. Don’t let the pressures and stresses of life let you take another person for granted.
Yet, despite the fact that sleep may return to normal, the day-to-day lifestyle begins to perceptibly shift. Concerns about errands, your children’s activities and your own can begin to overwhelm the need to take a night out for just the two of you. Being parents means that you tend to list yourself as last on the list for ‘fun’ or ‘down-time.’ It seems selfish to want to be away from your kids or just have a night where the two of you can go out together and be a couple rather than being parents.
While it might seem a little selfish, it’s actually a very important bit of selfish because all healthy relationships need to have time spent on them. If it’s a matter of not being able to find a babysitter, offer to swap with another couple. You take care of their kids for one evening a week so they can go out and they can take care of yours the following week. Many daycares, Churches and other organizations offer ‘parents night out’ – usually a four-hour window of time where your kids enjoy planned activities and you enjoy a few hours together.
Date nights aren’t the only way to keep romance alive. Little notes left in a place your spouse or partners are sure to find them. You can send flowers, cook a favorite dinner or even just curl up together on a sofa after the children have gone to bed to watch a movie. Time with your spouse is precious and should be treated as such. Don’t let the pressures and stresses of life let you take another person for granted.
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